A Thinking Man's Blog

About 10% of students suffer from what we call in education Learning Disability (LD), a puzzling but detectable brain malfunction that makes it very difficult for kids to process academic information. It is often confused with low I.Q. unfortunately as most students enjoy a normal level of intelligence. Another more “popular” disability is dyslexia, which is strictly related to reading as students do not perceive letters and words “normally”. Parents of such children should pay close attention to these diagnoses obtained through a series of verbal and non-verbal tests. They should ask to see the detailed results and if they note something amiss, they must request a re-test by a different agency. That is their right, at least in public education schools.

”Clip art licensed from the Clip Art Gallery on DiscoverySchool.com”

 Just as “normal” students are better at math than English, LD students may show different abilities; one of my teen special students has excellent results in science, i.e. chemistry and biology, while struggling enormously in social sciences and English. Science cannot pinpoint the actual cause for such dysfunction, but we can certainly help as parents and as teachers. Special students labeled as L.D. usually need to study twice as long as regular students and they must do so just to keep up with the class. In the best scenario, they have a tutor, sometimes provided by the school or offered by a private company. But most pupils in relatively poor areas, where I teach, cannot afford such personal trainers and their parents are seldom able to help them with their homework. It is therefore up to the school to provide such support with volunteer teachers staying after school.

Parental support is absolutely critical to ensure success in disabled students; these usually suffer from a low self-esteem, a condition brought about since elementary by the taunting of their more fortunate peers. Unfortunately, a few teachers also contribute to the fact by failing to establish high expectations and by not preventing the verbal bullying. A welcoming home where the special students feel loved and appreciated goes a long way toward establishing a firm mental base upon which these kids build a solid appreciation of themselves.

A special education teacher’s main concern is to motivate these struggling students; too often, they show that they have given up by sleeping in class or by not doing their assignments. But with the parents’ help, the teacher’s efforts will have a higher probability of success. Constant communication between home and school must be the norm in order to achieve the goal of graduating from high school and preparing for the rigors of earning a living. My greatest reward is to receive the visit of an ex-special student who is doing well in life. It doesn’t happen as often as I would like.

The transition from high school to regular life is a difficult one for any youngster; there are many poorly paid jobs out there and more often than not that is what special students end up doing. One of their better choices is to join the military, a career that can offer them many rewards, including paying for college or teaching them a specific skill that can applied in civilian life. Dangerous? Of course, but so is crossing a busy street. Other substantial possibilities lie in the realm of vocational schools where they can learn well-paid occupations ranging from medical assistant to carpentry, plumbing, or cosmetology. The key to all of them is learning how to read and understand at least 80% of the material.

Public schools have suffered severe budget cuts in 2011 which have affected all students with larger classrooms, less teachnology (sic, my invention), and fewer support classes. Teachers have also suffered by being laid off or not receiving an increase in their low salaries. Considering the enormous waste in resources at every level of government, it strikes me as completely irrational that a country such as ours would reduce financial support for our public education. These kids are our future, right?

 

Today’s teens have a sense of entitlement that did not exist in prior generations. Maybe the cause can be found in the fact that both parents work; they are too tired in the evening to put up a fight or follow proper parenting procedures and to quiet the brats they simply cave in to their demands. Another possible reason is the ubiquitous TV set and fare; it gives them instant gratification scenes four hours a day, the average time a child spends in front of the “idiot” box. Or maybe our modern society as a whole has become “entitlement crazy.”

The “idiot” box keeps getting larger

Consider the often heard phrase “The government should do something about it.” Or think of the child having a temper tantrum at the supermarket because his mother refused to buy him his favorite treat; or the pregnant teen telling me “It’s O.K., I have Medicaid, they’ll give me everything I need for my kid.” Another common phrase from tots “I want it now”, or something similar, is the precursor of tough times ahead for the parents. Think about the times when the baby started crying: Your first and understandable reaction is to run and find out what happened; if the kid is fine, no wet bottom and not time to feed, you put him back in the crib and wait for the next outburst. You have just started your own conditioning; the baby now “knows” that crying will bring mommy and her soft welcoming arms. In other words, immediate gratification and entitlement.

Evolution

 As they get older, the little guys begin observing other kids, what they wear, what they play with, and what they eat. Since they can now talk, they waste no time in demanding the same items they saw on the playground, at school, or in a friend’s house. Comparisons are inevitable: if one daughter marries rich and the other doesn’t, Christmas reunions can become awkward when one kid gets an iPad ($800) and the “poor” one gets a $40 toy. It can be difficult to explain economics to an 8 year-old, including the enormous disparity in incomes between social classes.

If nothing is done to instill the proper values of giving and receiving, the child will become an “entitled” teen. Even when the parents can afford the expense, giving in to their son or daughter’s demands will create a “monster”, a selfish and insensitive “monster.” There are ways to handle the situation; take the teen to a shelter, or food bank, and show him/her how the less fortunate live. Find a way to participate with your school or church in charity events; your teens will have a chance to compare with their own standing in life. If there is no change in “entitlement” attitude, start a new program that I call “Get it if you earn it”.

Make Them Earn It

Even before they reach the legal age to work, there are many opportunities for your teens to make a few “bucks”. In my home country I was delivering orders on my bicycle, rain, snow or shine at the age of 15. Here in the States it is acceptable to deliver newspapers (less and less common), or cut the neighbors’ grass, or simply helping around the house. I wouldn’t however pay my kid to fix his room, or eat vegetables, or bring home good grades; these are expected behaviors. Pay him or her a couple of dollars to help painting the house, to wash the driveway and the car, to clean the garage, and so on. A the same time, show him/her how to save 50% of their income which will be used for that special video game they must have. 
   
Talking Helps

Organize family talks around the kitchen table at least twice a month; ask them to voice concerns or simply questions related to their relationships. It’s an excellent time to broach the subject of entitlement with clear examples of when to and when not to. I am entitled to my social security check because I paid for it my whole life. I am not entitled to demand anything from my parents; I can ask for a favor, but I, the teenager, cannot expect anything besides food, shelter, protection, and love. I have to earn the rest.

I really don’t understand!! How could so many victims fall prey to that monster for so many years without one parent noticing something? Children are not professional poker players; they cannot hide their emotions, especially when they have been abused. I am talking, of course, of the tragic events at Penn State where a conspiracy of silence took place during approximately 15 years, from the president to the head coach. They should all be co-defendants, since they became accomplices by not calling the cops.

Why Not?

The real puzzler however is the fact that not one single parent came forward to denounce the pedophile; if several boys aged 8 to 12 were abused, surely one mother or father must have discovered the tremendous emotional change in their children. The real question is: Did they and if so, why remain silent? Public shame is one explanation, not convincing at all, because they allowed other boys to be sexually assaulted. The famous and destructive attitude held by so many families of “what will people think” has caused so much harm that it should be the main topic for family counselors.

The other possibility, one that parents should be aware of, is that nobody noticed the change; sad as it may be, it highlights a more serious problem: the lack of meaningful communication with our children. Father is busy at the office or traveling constantly, mother works from 9 to 5, and the nanny or daycare doesn’t know them well enough to ring the alarm.

What To Do

 Fathers and Mothers, with a capital letter, should always watch their progeny very carefully:

     1. The child, usually happy and carefree, becomes moody and complains of nightmares.

     2. The 10-year old doesn’t have appetite, not even for his favorite food.

     3. Your prepuber son no longer looks you in the eye; he may say that he feels sick

     4. The child refuses to go to school without giving an explanation.

     5. He or she may become aggressive and talks back to you (new behavior)

These are all signs that something serious is happening; while it may be problems of bullying or failing classes in school, never discard the possibility of sexual abuse. Sit down with the child in a
non-threatening manner (what have you done this time?), in a location where he/she feels secure and try to elicit an answer.  Please remember that your son or daughter feels guilty, even though they have done nothing wrong. It won’t be easy to extract the real story (though it may be a trivial matter such as stealing chocolates from your box), because at that tender age they don’t know how to value their experiences and feelings.

No Matter What

Yes, the mother usually will have a better chance of obtaining information than the father; children are still very much attached to her and they probably see her more often. No matter what the consequences, you must turn the matter over to the police if you discover sexual abuse. The name of your child may be kept confidential, but not yours. So it may be a good idea to transfer them to another school to avoid taunting and bullying. Don’t forget to get counseling as soon as possible for your child and make time, you the parent, to be with him or her as much as possible. Make sure you show physical affection to reassure the child that he is not guilty and that he has not lost your love.

One last piece of advice: Watch carefully for close relatives if you suspect sexual abuse; more often than not, somebody living with you or somebody who is frequently alone with your child may be the culprit.

What to do with these “strange” teenagers? They may be your children, the friends of your children, or your students; in any case, YOU have to deal with them. They have their own jargon, often so obscure that the best cryptographers are still trying to decipher it (LOL). If you don’t understand LOL, you clearly have problems with teens. Same thing with the word “bad” which has a totally different meaning than the one we, the adults, the old ones, use. If you can understand the following, then you are cool: whitgrl24:omg y u bi disin n mi?  If you can’t, welcome to the club!

  That’s me trying to figure out my grand kids’ language

Rebellion

On a more serious note, parents often face the open rebellion when they say “No, you can’t go!” The problem in communication in this case is simple: When your teen daughter asks for your permission, she doesn’t expect a No. It’s what we call among English teachers a rhetorical question. Movies exploit that facet constantly to heighten the suspense: The girl ends up going to her room and sneaking out the first chance she has. A simple yes or no is not good enough; a father must try to discover the hidden message, such as “This boy digs me totally and I can’t wait to party with him.” Or, if it’s a teen boy “This older dude invited me to make a man out of  me, he’s got some cool stuff that he wants me to try.”

 They don’t know
Adolescents are clueless regarding the dangers that modern society hides under pretended social graces and activities. They may have heard about VD (Venereal Disease) but it’s just a class they took; they cannot “own” it. It’s never going to happen to them, just like condoms, adults talk about it, but it’s just talk, “I know how to handle chicks. Besides, it’s their fault if they get pregnant. Who knows how many guys they’ve been with?” Girls on the other hand have that strange competition among themselves: they want to get the hot guy, the football player, of basketball star, never the nerd that aces all his classes. Teen girls focus on physical appearance, not on intelligence or honesty. They are blinded by false social mores and, as a result, they’ll pay the consequences very dearly, the rest of their adult lives.

What conversation?

So when a teen “talks” to his or her parents, they don’t really communicate, they simply test the waters to see how they can get what they want. A shrewd parent will be able to discover what the actual situation is by talking to siblings, to friends, to schoolmates, and to other parents. Find out the  address, phone number, and take the time to visit the other father and mother to see whether your girl or boy will be OK. Drugs and alcohol, two different substances in the mind of teens, may be distributed free of charge in a party, so as to “hook” the young ones who’ll become addicted. Bullies attend parties to find an innocent girl and rape her after slipping drugs into her drink. If no adult controls admission, the risks are too great.

Scolding and Preaching

You can sermonize till hell freezes over and they’ll pay lip service, but without assimilating the message. Of course, your own behavior must reflect the fundamental values of our society: if you lie and drink too much, don’t expect them to act differently. If you cheat the cashier at the supermarket and don’t return the excess change, your kids will think that it’s O.K. Don’t ever say to them “I can do it because I am your father.” Hypocrisy will get you a bucket, a large one, of scorn and derision.

Handling teens is a full-time job, as many teachers will tell you; you can cross your fingers and hope everything will be O.K. Or you can grab the bull by the horns and show them how much you care; screaming and cussing will never work, only patience, good sense of humor, and a lot of research in  your social circle.

What do we, citizens of the modern world, consider more important? Do we go by what the media tell or show us, or are we able to form our own judgment?  Is the life of any celebrity and their sordid adventures, i.e. Paris Hilton, so fascinating that we immediately focus on the Hollywood show? Is Lindsay Lohan’s fall from grace and what the judge said to her “How well she is behaving during her probation” so earth-shaking that millions of viewers will hit YouTube? What does such behavior say about our society?

What I love the most about the American society (I was born in Europe) are the many cases of generous support for victims of natural disasters, whether national or international. Such a prompt and massive response is not common in Europe and certainly not in Mexico where I lived for several years. It’s easy for a millionaire to help those in distress, but what counts as true Christian generosity comes from those who struggle to make ends meet. I have witnessed personally the amazing hospitality of poor segments of the population who will share what little they have.

However, I am most concerned by the erosion of important values in this country as I navigate the perilous depths of modern media: Right in the middle of the page, the picture of a diamond-encrusted ring is asking me “Whose engagement ring is this?”, as if the response contained the solution to homelessness or foreclosures. Prince Harry’s adventures are prominently featured along with the convoy of departing U.S. troops from Iraq. One apparently must know which prince ABC news is talking about; do we live in a monarchy? Then we have the usual fare of crimes as in “No motive in office shooting”, as if an ordinary murder in a nation of 320 million were so unusual. The video of a cart hitting some people at a football game is apparently important enough to appear on the front page.

The All-Important Ratings

Before blaming the media for such superficial and callous offering, let’s look in the mirror: Yes, you and I are responsible for the selection of “important” news by commercial channels and newspapers. They cater to our wishes, to what WE consider important. That is not to say that our 6 o’clock news should consist only of dour political and economic information. What I object to strenuously is the sick emphasis, day after day, on cases like Casey Anthony’s or JonBenét Ramsey’s. This morbid fascination speaks ill of our civil interests which should be focused on more constructive issues. By the way, where is the feedback from the public during news time on television? And when will these news channels stop using the now trite expression “Breaking News”? The only thing breaking is my interest.

Video Era

Today’s audiences are demanding to SEE, more than to HEAR. The new generation born after 1980 cannot imagine a world without moving images. They see it on iPods, iPads, iPhones, smart phones, and a multitude of new communication devices. These tools are invaluable when denouncing atrocities by police or by tyrants; we have witnessed the Arab Spring and the American Spring (OWS) in full color. Even grandpa and grandma are impatiently scanning their computers for pictures or movies of their grand kids. Making a video is now in the hands of a 5 year-old, whereas 20 years ago, only professionals or wealthy amateurs could make movies. The downside is that the public on YouTube is demanding more and more exciting action, raunchy and dangerous. Teen girls are “sexting”, the new term for sending sexy pictures, moving or not, of themselves in various states of undress. The video era is exposing our most intimate and dirty secrets, avidly watched by a multitude of voyeurs. Everybody nowadays is apparently a paparazzi and whatever you do, make sure nobody is watching with a camera phone, a quasi impossible achievement.

Good-bye Modesty 

Modesty is a value that has been lost, judging by the way some female students dress in my high school. Mini-skirts and plunging cleavage make the boys permanent oglers. Some young ladies feel no shame in asking a handsome boy for a date, no doubt the result of women’s equality movement. Groupies, girls who follow rock bands, literally throw themselves at the feet of the musicians. Living together without getting married now involves quite a few minors, who enjoy their sexual freedom without caring about the consequences. Unprotected sex is extremely frequent as more and more teen girls become pregnant. Responsibility? The State will take care of me and my kids, says the 16 year-old single mother.

What To Do

Faced with political corruption, with the use of children to sell sugary treats on television (vile exploitation), with the breakdown of traditional marriage, with the approval of gay marriage, with the loss of traditional femininity, with parents too busy to love their children, with increasing teen pregnancy and neglected offspring, with rampant materialism and consumerism, our American society is in danger of accelerating the Decline of the Greatest Democracy this world has ever known. We can revert the trend by going back to our basic, traditional values of hard work, honesty, modesty, and respect. We already have generosity and tolerance; it’s a matter of building anew on the forces that made us great.

”A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”  By Mignon McLaughlin

A good marriage usually ends up with a good family; barring mental illness o extreme circumstances, a happy, harmonious couple will produce happy, well-balanced, tolerant, sociable, and successful children. Judging by what happens nowadays in our society, people apparently get married to the wrong person. Actual weddings are less and less frequent and living together is more and more common. Divorces are up, and emotionally unstable children seem to grow in numbers, a fact that taxes our public and private schools. In short, marriage is no longer taken as seriously as it was 40 years ago. The reasons? There are many, but the key seems to be a generalized loss of social, ethical, and family values.

Our television fare is partly to blame as it offers us a steady diet of sexual deviations, broken families, gratuitous violence, greed, crime (the number one shows), perversions, and corruption. Last night, as I cruised the big screen, the first thing I saw was two men kissing each other on a commercial channel, ABC. They apparently live together as a couple and represent one of the “new” season’s success. Some parents might argue that violence does more harm to kids than this type of scene, but I beg to differ. I agree that blood and gore do nothing to transmit solid values, except when it is justified. In the eyes of teens, violence is an every day experience through their video games and most of them do recognize the difference between fiction and reality.

Things change however when a family channel presents a pair of homosexuals living together as a “normal” family. I recognize that this preference is innate and not chosen, but why make it public, as if having two fathers is conducive to a good education. Keep your deviation to yourself; don’t parade the abnormal behavior in front of my children. Yet more and more, what we used to consider shameful has become, alas, the norm in some quarters.

Parents have the urgent need to explain this to their children as soon as these are old enough to understand, usually around 6 (depending on their level of maturity, of course). Sexual scenes, explicit or implied, can be very harmful to a young kid, since they imagine that personal violence is involved. A movie on AMC recently showed a gang boss in a very clear sodomy attempt on his mistress (in the movie). I am no prude, but this is a channel available in most homes and I certainly would not want my children to watch this disgusting sexual behavior, real or pretended.

Parents are under fire; it has become more and more difficult to raise children. Both the father and the mother usually have to work, which means leaving the kids alone most of the day in places where the priority is to make money, not instilling values. The famous (or infamous) expression “Quality is more important than quantity” is just a rationale to explain that we, the parents, can compensate our absences by giving children intense love for the short time we have them. It does not work that way, especially in the early years. The first 2 years are absolutely crucial; the mother should be there 90% of the time to insure bonding and, most important, to create the feeling of security on the part of the baby.

I recently witnessed an awful event starring very young girls ranging from 2 to 5; they were dressed as little Miss Universe contestants with gaudy make-up. It sickened me to think that some mothers would “prostitute”  their children in that manner with the only goal to make a lot of money. I almost added that the government should do something about it but reflected that we can’t have the politicians tell us what to do with our children. Instead I would initiate a assiduous campaign against the organizers by marshalling as many parents as possible to denounce such practices. Public outcry can be a powerful weapon and we should use it more often; just look at the Occupy Wall Street Movement.

Let’s try and help those families who struggle with educating their children; let’s find volunteers, well-prepared volunteers in each community, who can advise these parents on how to best teach values to their kids. And let’s publicly exhibit those fathers and/or mothers who neglect their sacred duty. They wanted children and now they have to focus on converting them into model human beings. Nothing is more IMPORTANT!

During the Cold War, America influenced 1/4 of the world and communism the other 1/4. The rest were, as they called themselves, non-aligned, pretending to be neutral.

 In reality, with Mexico heading the movement, their sympathy was with Moscow with few exceptions. Now that we have gotten rid of the Soviet Union, we have to deal with the remnants of communism in China, Cuba, North Korea and Vietnam. Beijing was the smartest of them all by combining private property within the communist regime. Cuba’s ailing rulers, the Castro’s, both of whom have passed the 80′s, will soon disappear and relations with us will go back to normal. North Korea, of course, being ruled by a madman, has to find its own way to reemerge from the nightmare: A revolution would be nice, but a well placed Hellfire missile could also do the trick of getting rid of the pudgy dictator. Hey, I am a pacifist but sometimes the only language a gangster will understand is a well-placed bullet.. or drone. Think Hitler in 1938!

Few peoples really like us; by “peoples” I mean the ordinary citizens of 195 nations, though what really counts is what the human beings of the largest countries actually think of us. Thanks to Bush II, our image has been deteriorating steadily as a warmonger nation that tries to impose its culture on others. Never mind that we were attacked by some extremist Arabs on 9/11. They don’t believe we had to actually send ground troops to 2 countries that did not represent any danger for us as such. Or do you think that a Taliban army could actually invade us? Or  Sadam Hussein troops attacking our borders? No, of course not. And now we abandon Iraq with a bitter sweet taste in our mouths after losing more than 4,000 American soldiers and killing who knows how many innocent civilians.

True, our music, our jeans, our food, our iPads and iPhones, our movies, our actors, and our language have “invaded” the world; Chinese youths happily sip Coca-Cola while munching on a hot dog. Same for the new Japanese  generation, the French, the Germans, the Russians, they all enjoy a taste of American lore. But that doesn’t mean they like us as a people, and even less as a government. Why? Because we seldom learn another language, because we rarely make an effort to understand other cultures- think of the Griswolds in Paris, we appear to be arrogant, poorly dressed (by French standards), with no taste for good wine and good food and no appreciation for great music. We work too hard and too late (in European minds), we neglect our families, and we fawn over profit and the not-so-mighty dollar. And we have the most powerful military the world has ever seen, with fancy pilotless planes that can kill while invisible.

You can’t expect a superpower to be loved, only feared. Oh, we were loved once, when we liberated France in 1945, and even in Germany, our enemy, because we treated them with respect. But after many years of neglecting our allies, of treating them as inferior nations (except for Great Britain of course), they decided to form a union that would be as powerful as America; it’s called the European Union and it hasn’t worked out that way. They are still divided, squabbling about the euro and about national sovereignty. And they still need us to put out the fire: example Libya.

Our influence on the world has waned, obviously, because of the emergence of new and extremely active nations: India and China, of course, but also smaller countries like Taiwan, Korea, Singapore, Finland, Switzerland, Malaysia, and, yes, even Vietnam, our old enemy. President Obama has tried to offer an olive branch to some Arab countries, including Iran, but with no visible success; all he obtained was the ridicule of some Republican candidates to the White House. Arabs in general consider appeasement as a weakness. They respect power and strength, particularly military power. The killing of bin Laden restored some of our prestige in the Middle East as we showed that we can easily use the big stick after showing the carrot (silly metaphor). It is sad to admit that in this century violence can be a better tool to obtain our goals.

Did I mention Russia, the ex-communist superpower which has retained almost all of its weapons of mass destruction? Our influence there is limited; Russian teens love our music and our informal way of dressing, their parents not so much, as they still remember the hellish days of secret police and deportations to Siberia. Their financial situation, on the other hand, is much worse for 90% of them as prices have shot up while their meager salaries or pensions have stagnated. Many young Russian women try desperately to leave through marriage to a European or, preferably, an American. They see that as a way to escape the social and economic injustice prevalent in their country. Do they like us? Yes, very much. Their government however hates us with a passion, even more than when Gorbachev was in power. Why? Because we won the Cold War! Their cherished Mother Russia is no longer a dominant world power.

We all know that Mexico still considers us as their enemy for many good reasons: We have invaded them and taken half their territory. We have treated them as servants, as backward lazy Latinos. We buy their drugs and fuel the war between cartels. But they still try to come here because we offer jobs and better living conditions. Ordinary Mexicans don’t care much for gringos, but they will admit that our shadow covers their land and our money keeps their businesses and industries humming. They can’t live without us and we can’t live without them; it’s a Mexican stand-off!

Thanks to our vast diversity we have been learning, albeit slowly, to appreciate other cultures (taco anybody?), and other races. The day will come when the rest of the world will learn to appreciate us for what we really are: a strong, industrious, and fun-loving people who show their bottomless generosity by helping less fortunate human beings all over the planet.